The Greatest

At some point, all tv blogs must address what the "best" shows are. Not because it matters what some doofus with a keyboard thinks is "best", but precisely because it doesn't matter. TV - it doesn't matter. Lists about TV - especially don't matter. It's a match made in heaven.

But unregardless, I'm going to forge ahead with my awards for television today. We'll start small and get big.

• Best show to feel simultaneously both smart and stupid - Fox's Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. A narrow victory over "Hannity and Colmes", where the viewer is smarter than the people on the show, but stupid enough to watch it anyways.
• Best show to play a drinking game to - The Office. Feel awkward, take a shot.
• Best show to make you angry with America - Trading Spouses. I feel like this is a bit of a cheap shot, but ask yourself this: have you ever thought "I'm glad I live in a country where this is considered entertainment?" That's what I thought.
• Best unexpectedly hot actress - Sarah Carter (Shark). It's tempting to go with Allyson Hannigan, Lauren Graham (who imdb says is 40, yow), or Mary Louise Parker (who should hold some kind of Hotness Quotient record for hotness divided by age). But I'm going with Sarah Carter over Emily Proctor (CSI: DavidCarusoCreepsOutChildren) on this basis: Proctor looks good next to Khandi Alexander, Carter looks good next to Jeri Ryan. Check and mate.
• Best show you're not watching - Rescue Me. Also the winner of "Best show no one outside Denis Leary's family has heard of" award. Grade A writing, grade A plots, grade A+ acting. Kudos to FX for coming up with 5 solid dramas to trot out over the year.
• Best show involving Seth Green - Robot Chicken. Not even close. Family Guy has gotten better, but last night they did "Behind the Music: Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem Band". Zoot got caught trying to smuggle 37 pounds of hash in the Tokyo airport. Now that's inspired.

Just to tide you over - this is too much fun. But the reason I wrote this post:

• Best show - Battlestar Galactica. I resisted at first, but got into it during season 2 (or 2.5. Come on producers, you're not that cool). But after the boxing episode this year, this category was closed. There's not even a question in my mind - the only thing left to argue about is the margin by which BSG is best. Just fascinating stories, characters, arcs, acting, messages, and production value. Other shows capture a subset of these, but nothing comes close in all six. So many questions, so much murkiness. It's fun, yet endearing, yet frightening, yet heartstring-pulling. Best. Show. Period.